Why I Am Letting Go Again

photoA smiling and giggling crowd was gathering in Costco where a little girl about 7 years old was singing her heart out unaware of people coming closer to hear her belt out her favorite Disney tune, “Let it Go.” She sat in the shopping cart with her sister while her Mom was working away at the task of getting groceries. Her Mom kept shopping like nothing was out of the ordinary while her daughter sang loudly and I might add quite well using hand motions and her whole body to express the lyrics of the song made famous by the movie Frozen. Indina Menzel would have been so proud! And by the way, they were in the frozen section of the warehouse. Go figure! Whether that inspired the little girl or not while her mother threw bags of chicken nuggets and frozen peas in the cart, we will never know.

I stood there for a few minutes and watched as this child unabashedly sang with confidence as if she was rehearsing to record her next album. The song jogged my memory. Not because of the movie, but of this time last year when I went away by myself to escape the noise of life and get alone with God so I could listen and sort some junk out of my heart.

After spending nearly a week away last summer, I came home with my soul breathing again and determined that it was to be an annual event.

I had to let go of life on every level and make room in my schedule to step out of what I do so I could reflect on who I am. I had to let go, or as it is better said in Psalm 46:10, Be still and know that I am God. I like the rendering of the translation that says, “Cease striving and know that I am God.” (NASB)

Cease from everyday tasks,

cease from routine,

cease moving, running, planning and scheduling and just rest.

That is what letting go paints for me. I picture just stopping my life for a few days to listen deeper to my own heart and significantly closer to God’s heart as I open myself up to the silence and quiet of not moving so fast everyday.

I am not very good at letting go of my schedule and busyness of life. I don’t like to be all alone for an extended time. So please don’t think I am some spiritual giant, because I am not. What’s driven me to realize that I need this time is the clutter in my heart of late. I need to sort through the piles so I can sit and rest in the messiness of life in God’s presence and be loved by God and yes, maybe even spanked a few times.

After totally unwinding last year and reveling in the warmth of His presence, on the second to last day, God whispered gently something that was keeping me from growing.

Discouragement.

With the precision of truth, he helped me unravel the why’s and I was able to let go of some crusty layers that had accumulated on the walls of my heart. Those whispers lingered days and months after and helped me combat lies by practicing gratitude on a new level to defeat the discouragement.

So here I am this year back again, letting go and anticipating God to love me as I sit and wait for Him to whisper words of hope, encouragement and truth before I pack up and head home in a few days.

Already, my mind is challenged with emails unanswered, tasks not finished and deadlines looming next week. I am actually busier this summer than last and yet I had to make sure these few days were unmovable.

As I type these last words at my computer looking out over the placid waters of Lake Washington, I sense myself beginning to let go and the windows of my soul are ready to receive the wind of God’s spirit with this prayer hovering over me, “Here’s my heart Lord, come speak to me.”

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