Sunday was the breaking day for my 40 day fast from all sweets and desserts. I had been plotting for weeks just which lucious dessert I would be able to eat on Easter. So I read and leafed through my favorites. And then it arrived in my mailbox, an issue from Southern Living Magazine with this lovely lemon temptation on the cover of the magazine, Lemon Curd Cheesecake. The recipe said it takes about 22 hours from start to finish. I decided it would be so worth it!
So in the midst of Easter egg hunts, dinners and family I baked and set it aside for the sacred ceremony on Sunday afternoon. When most of the family left and the guys were upstairs watching a game, my lovely daughter-in-love Brittany, matched my enthusiasm to break the fast. We sat in the corner by the window and indulged, it was so yummy!! But as much as my tastebuds were relishing each bite, it was rather anti-climatic and I was well, kind of sad my fast was over. Sounds kind of twisted doesn’t it?
You see, each time I decide to deprive myself of something in order to lean in and hear God more deeply, I find myself wanting more, more of God that is. In my wimpy way of trying to be a big girl spiritually by feeling good about fasting, I still fall short. I realize for the five hundredth time the same truth over and over again, I NEED GOD AND I NEED HIM DESPERATELY, every second of my life.
I can’t explain why giving into morsels of treats seem to comfort me when I’m stressed or eating a handful of chocolate chips make me feel better when I have a melt-down, but I am learning it is never enough no matter what chocolate delight is drooling down my lips.
I’m really just a rookie, like I said a wimp at fasting. But I’m finally learning that when I’m lost in those vices believing they calm and soothe me, how easily I can transfer my affections away from God and become distracted. This is not a good thing! I guess what I am trying to say is, I am grateful for these past 40 days. It was, if I am honest, quite difficult at times but re-entry with my sweet tooth has brought a new awareness and I think God is smiling!