I boarded a plane two days after I learned my mother graduated to heaven.
I had an assignment.
For months, two monumental events were planned that took place this past week. Anchored: Leading Through the Storms was released with a book party at our local bookstore. The Women Of Joy Tour started, and I was heading to Tennessee where my cousin Andrea and I were featured authors with Redemption Press for our new devotional Live Bold, which was also making its debut.
The day after I received the news my Mom had passed, I wondered how I would garner the strength to finish the week. I was already hanging on by a thread. I was emotionally spent and had many restless nights anticipating the news of my Mom’s death. I know God doesn’t make mistakes and it is no accident that all these events converged.
I decided to forge ahead with the plans not because I was ignoring the grief in my heart or trying to be a super saint, but because I believed with everything I am that God was in the center of this storm.
It wasn’t a surprise. He knew before it even took place.
I believe he wasn’t inviting me to lie down in the boat. Rather, he was asking me to trust him with my fragile heart and hang onto the boat’s wheel, and he would help me navigate the wind and the waves of grief.
I chose to go into the weekend with grief as my companion and friend.
My greatest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to contain my emotions and it would impair my ability to function.
I sensed God whispering to me to surrender my roller coaster emotions and trust him. I wrestled with the many what if’s and doubts.
Gently, he reassured me this was his plan, and he would uphold me with his right hand. The songs my Mom loved such as the old hymns, In the Garden and It is Well with My Soul, flooded my mind as the weekend approached.
They gave me comfort and Psalm 11:15, Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants was like a warm blanket covering my soul.
The day we left I woke up with a renewed sense of strength. I felt carried close in God’s arms, and I was able to choose joy in the midst of my grief.
I allowed grief to become my friend by not shutting it out.
Grief met me in the songs the worship leader, Babbie Mason sang and reminded me that my Mom is praising Jesus and is whole and free.
Grief led me to see the truth in God’s word as the speakers spoke the truth that Jesus prays for me, loves me, and extends mercy and grace in the midst of grief.
Grief extended love to me through the prayers of strangers and kind words from new friends.
Grief allowed me to empathize and enter into other’s pain and pray for healing and restoration.
Grief encourages me to claim Jesus as my anchor because he understands what I can’t fully understand.
I am holding on to everything I know to be true about my God because he is the best captain of the boat in the storm of grief.
Find out more about being anchored in the storm. www.cynthiacavanaugh.com/anchored